


Observation

by nanuk_dain



Series: Impossible Relationships [2]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-19
Updated: 2011-11-19
Packaged: 2017-10-26 06:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/280018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray observes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Observation

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Наблюдение](https://archiveofourown.org/works/328138) by [anapupa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anapupa/pseuds/anapupa)



  
[   
](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)   


 

Stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Ray stared at the stars through the holes in the camo net. He just couldn't stop the cacophony of 'stupid' that ran through his mind, repeating again and again like a broken CD. So maybe he had been _a bit_ high on Ripped Fuel when the Doc had pulled him aside, but that was no explanation for the incredible _stupidity_ of actually admitting it aloud. To a corpsman, of all people, who was kind of bound to report stuff like that.

Well, not that the Doc was such a stickler for rules. Ray had to think of his moustache and grinned. The Doc was the only one who hadn't trimmed it down more and more, like Pappy or Wasik had had to. The Doc knew that technically, he wasn't under Sixta's direct command and didn't have to follow the grooming standard Godfather had set up. He almost seemed to enjoy rubbing that into Sixta's face. Not that he showed that he enjoyed it, the Doc was great at keeping a straight face – well, and a deep frown – but the action alone spoke volumes.

Back to the actual topic at hand. Ray had _admitted_ to the _corpsman_ that he took Ripped Fuel. That had been stupid. Well, he'd established that point already. Didn't harm repeating it, though. He wondered if the Doc was going to report it or not. He had an inkling that he wouldn't as long as Ray followed his advice – okay, let's be honest, his _order_ – to cut it down and sleep whenever there was even the tiniest opportunity. So he should probably do that.

He wasn't doing a good job at it right now, though. He should be sleeping, not torturing his brain with all the possible outcomes of admitting to the Doc that he was high on Ripped Fuel most of the time. Well, all of the time. Never mind.

Sleeping. Right. Like, _now_ , because there were only about two hours left before they would be on the road again and he'd have to drive for another day. And while he felt exhausted most of the time he was awake, now that he actually had the opportunity to sleep, his brain just didn't want to shut up. Maybe the Ripped Fuel was working too well. Ray closed his eyes resolutely, trying to force his body into submission and making it fall asleep, never mind if his brain agreed or not.

It took some time, but then it worked. But when Brad shook his shoulder to wake him up, Ray felt even more exhausted than he usually did, and he'd already taken the first dose of Ripped Fuel before breakfast. That probably wasn't what the Doc had had in mind, Ray though almost guiltily and glanced around to see if the corpsman had seen him take the pills. As if to prove his fear right, he found the Doc glaring at him from where he sat on the hood of his Humvee with a MRE in his hand.

Shit.

Ray tried an apologetic smile, but he had the distinct feeling that it hadn't done the job when the Doc's frown only deepened. He would have to be more careful when and where he took his Ripped Fuel, Ray decided and turned to where Walt and Trombley sat on the ground. When he leaned with his back against the Humvee next to Walt, his oh-so-fantastic breakfast in his hands, he noticed the Doc coming over to them, squatting down and leaning on his M-4 while talking to Brad. He gave Ray a quick glance that Ray was pretty sure nobody else had noticed. The Doc was great at subtle. Ray himself had only noticed because he'd actually been watching the Doc to find out if he was going to say something – and maybe because he was slightly worried what the Doc would do if he found out that Ray wasn't exactly cutting down on the Ripped Fuel like he'd been ordered to.

During the day, Ray couldn't help the occasional glance to the Doc. Okay, so maybe 'occasional' wasn't the correct word. He knew he was becoming paranoid, but regarding the amount of times the Doc was frowning at him when Ray turned to look, he was pretty sure he had every right to be paranoid. He had started to take his Ripped Fuel only when he was in the Humvee _and_ driving, because there was no way the Doc could see him, then. At least he hoped that. The Doc had this all-knowing aura sometimes, and it was kind of creepy. Maybe it was a corpsman-thing, Ray mused before he banned all thoughts of omniscient docs from his mind in order to concentrate on the non-existent road. He mostly just followed the trail of dust of the Humvee in front of him.

Once they'd dug in after the successful 'assault' on the Qalat Sukhar airfield, Ray found himself watching the Doc more and more often. He didn't turn away anymore when the Doc caught his gaze, he just grinned and sometimes he even raised his water bottle as if to say cheers. Once, when Ray watched the Doc walk to his Humvee, one of the corpsman's hands absently rubbed his neck and he rotated his shoulder before he sat down with his feet in a ranger grave, his back turned towards Ray. Another time, Ray had a full five minutes to watch the Doc lying on top of the Humvee with one arm draped over his eyes before the corpsman turned and caught his gaze, one eyebrow raised almost provocatively. Ray couldn't decide if he'd been granted those minutes on purpose or if the Doc had really not been aware of Ray watching him.

Ray had never had much to do with the man and he'd always had the impression the Doc didn't particularly like him. It hadn't really bothered him, they weren't on the same team, so it wasn't really important that they got along. That night when the Doc had told Ray to cut down on the Ripped Fuel, though, there had been _something_ about him that had cut through Ray's shields as if they were nothing, that had calmed Ray down and had made him reply honestly where he usually never would have. He still couldn't say what _it_ had been, but the fact that the Doc had obviously never reported him vaguely reassured him that his instincts hadn't failed him completely .

It was interesting how much Ray found out about the silent corpsman once he started watching. Like that the Doc might frown and make snide remarks, but he kept an eye on the men and was infinitely patient when it came to treating people, never mind if they were Marines or Iraqi civilians. He was fiercely protective of everybody placed under his care and children took to him immediately. They seemed to trust him from the moment they saw him and he always had a reassuring words and a gentle smile for them. For a moment, Ray wondered what it would feel like to have that smile directed at him.

Furthermore, Ray noticed that while the Doc seemed to be generally liked and highly respected by the men and joined them often enough, he also actively sought solitude from time to time. Then he would retreat somewhere in a reasonable distance and sit on his own, and everybody accepted it without ever commenting on it. Ray also noticed that the Doc did that rubbing-his-neck-and-rotating-his-shoulders thing a lot, and it didn't take him long to understand that the corpsman had a problem with a stiff neck and cramped muscles. Ray couldn't help seeing the irony in that.

What surprised him most, though, was that he noticed that the Doc was actually quite attractive. Not in your standard Calvin-Klein-model kind of way – although Ray decided he couldn't really evaluate the Doc's model qualities as long as he hadn't had the opportunity to inspect the man closely without the bulky uniform on – but in the interesting-mysterious-silent-guy kind of way. All right, so he had a rather handsome face and the moustache worked surprisingly well on him, but that wasn't the point. The point was that Ray had never ever _wanted_ to notice those things about another guy – and no, Rudy didn't count. Now that he had noticed, he couldn't stop looking at the Doc, and that was rather unsettling. He wasn't gay, after all.

He wasn't, was he? Ray decided to start an little experiment to find out. So he watched Brad. It didn't get any results. Okay, he _did_ find out a few things, but they didn't really concern _him_. But he had to admit that it was rather reassuring to know that he wasn't the only one who couldn't stop looking at another guy. And he was sure Brad and the LT were _way_ more obvious than he was.

Then he watched Walt. He _was_ the Calvin-Klein-model kind of good-looking, and he was rather endearingly innocent and cute sometimes, but that was it. Nothing else. Zip, zilch, nada.

Ray didn't even bother watching Trombley.

So, he decided, he definitely wasn't gay. After another round of watching a certain corpsman, he wondered if maybe he was just Doc-o-phile. Because there wasn't any other explanation, really. None of the other men interested him even remotely – boy, was he relieved about that –, but he could have spend hours looking at the Doc. Not that he'd ever done it, it was kind of impossible in their situation. But that didn't mean that he _wouldn't have_ done it, given the opportunity. He could appreciate beauty in whatever form it came. He wasn't blind, after all.

Wow, that was a thought he really had never wanted to have. He was almost relieved when Brad told him to get up and start digging. It gave him an excuse to abandon those weird, weird thoughts, and he put all his energy into digging. Pity that it didn't help for very long.

By the time it was dark, Ray had come to the conclusion that some reconnaissance was in order. He had to gather intel and decide how to proceed. Just staring at the Doc wasn't going to resolve anything. At least he knew that the Doc was looking at him just as much as he was looking at the Doc, otherwise the corpsman would never be able to catch Ray almost every single time when he glanced over for a second. As if to test his resolve, Ray saw the Doc walk past the camp boundaries, obviously looking for some privacy, his steps slow and casual, his hand rubbing his neck.

Ray stared after him, then he grinned. No time like the present. He was going to find out what all this was about, and he already had an idea how he was going to do that. He smirked, satisfied with his plan, and got up from where he'd been leaning against the Humvee.

He was a Recon Marine, after all. He might just as well use the skills Uncle Sam had spent so much money on, Ray decided and made his way over to where the Doc had disappeared in the darkness.


End file.
